Me, Paul and Sally met the consultant (Mel) yesterday morning. Also present were one of the nurses (also called Mel), and a social worker called Dee.

Mel said that Dad is obviously very poorly and that although they haven't been able to do much in the way of tests and examinations, it is obvious to them that the cancer is too far advanced for even palliative chemotherapy to have any effect. They still don't have any idea of time but they reassured us that they would keep him at the hospice for as long as possible - they don't automatically discharge patients after three weeks.

I said I would be happy to have him back at our house provided there was a total care package in place beforehand. Dee said not to worry about any of that, they would take care of everything should it come to that. It wasn't a big part of the conversation and I don't imagine he will come out of hospital at all.

He is now catheterised. He feels freezing to the touch but says he is very hot. The window in his room is open and the fan is on.

Sally has been in to see him this afternoon and he seems to have got over the "I'll try" mood and has refused medication again. Sally said to him that she understands he doesn't want to be here but that we will persist in visiting, and it wouldn't hurt him to raise a smile now and then. A few minutes later Isabelle and Yasmin went in to say goodbye to him and he smiled!

So back to square one really. I just hope and pray it won't be long and drawn out, for all our sakes but mostly for his. I am trying to deal with it the same way I dealt with Mum's final illness - by thinking that my Dad went a long time ago, and the guy in the bed is nothing like him both in appearance and character.

Helen will be home on Saturday. Maybe he's just hanging on until she is back as he promised he would.