Dad passed away at 5.00 this morning.
I went to visit him last night, on my own. He gave me a lovely smile when I walked in but he was so poorly I couldn't help but cry. I told him how grateful I was for the childhood he and Mum gave me and the rest of us, how they had taught us well and we were now passing it on to our children. He then asked for some water so I gave him a few sips, and as he was so obviously tired I squeezed his hand and told him I loved him, then kissed him goodbye and told him I'd see him tomorrow. He said "thanks love" and I left the room. I spent a while chatting to one of the nurses afterwards. She said he'd seemed much brighter earlier and had even had some porridge for his breakfast.
When the phone started ringing just before 5 I knew what it was going to be. The hospice had called Paul saying that Dad had taken a sudden turn for the worst and they thought he was near the end. I got dressed and drove straight there, arriving before Paul or Sally. One of the nurses met me at the door and said "I'm so sorry, he has passed away".
She had been in to see him earlier as he'd been a bit sick. She was cleaning him up and tutting about it all being in his beard, and he laughed at that. She said there was something about him that wasn't quite right, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She kept checking on him and noticed that his breathing was getting more erratic. Then he started making a groaning sound and she realised it was his time and so she called Paul. She went back into Dad and told him we were on our way, then he took a couple of breaths and he was gone.
I think he chose to go before we got there, as Mum did back in March.
Paul arrived a few minutes after me, and Sally shortly after that. Then we went in to see him. I kissed him on the forehead as I knew I wouldn't want to do it when we left. I'd kissed Mum when she was cold and didn't want to do it this time around, I wanted to remember him warm.
We spent a while just sitting there, with the nurse bringing us cups of tea. Then we went into the family room where we were given leaflets on how to cope with bereavement, and also details of what to do next in a practical sense.
Helen flies back into Heathrow tomorrow morning so we decided not to tell her until then. She has got a long journey home and we didn't want to make it any more difficult for her.
We have arranged the funeral for Tuesday 30th October.
I veer between grief and relief. It was so quick at the end but at least he was not in any pain. It was a quiet and peaceful end and now he is with Mum for eternity.