July already, 9 months since Dad died. This year has passed really quickly and yet it seems like more than 9 months since I last spoke to Dad. I occasionally dream about him and Mum which is nice. Mum's always healthy in the dreams, and warm. I always kiss her on the forehead in my dreams, probably because when I did that at the hospital after she died, she was already cold and I remember recoiling from that. Bad I know but I wasn't expecting that to happen so quickly. Anyway, the dreams are comforting; when I first had them I woke up feeling a huge sense of loss but now I wake up happy as it's brought them back to me in a way.
The house is still on the market. Obviously it's a bad time at the moment and we've only had a handful of viewings. We've already dropped the price by £10k, it's now on for just under £220k which I think is a fair price for a 4 bed semi with a garage. It's a nice quiet no-through road. We reckon that one day the right person will turn up. Meantime we may consider renting it out although obviously that has its pitfalls.
We've moved most of the stuff out now, barring the furniture, so it's de-personalised. That's helping me get more emotionally distant from the house. I was born there, as were Roger and Sally, and if we'd sold it straight away it would have been a terrible wrench. It will still be sad to see it go but at least I'm seeing it less as "Mum and Dad's" now, it's just "the house".
Today I'm going to do my second stint at the St Luke's shop in Grays. There's various things to do there - sort through the bags of donations, work the till, price up stuff to put out, tidy the racks and shelves. I wanted to do it as a way of giving something back as the Hospice were so kind to Dad and to us, in fact are still being kind. Me and brother Paul have been going a monthly bereavement group there and have found it really useful. In fact the next one is next Monday and I think it'll be our last one. I certainly feel I have come through the worst of the grieving now.
A couple of weeks ago, on 7th June, it would have been Mum and Dad's golden wedding anniversary. We laid some flowers at the grave and I had a bit of a cry, mainly because I was thinking about what we'd have been doing had they been alive. There'd have been a party that's for sure! But in the evening we went to a party anyway as my cousin Robert had recently married in Spain, and the party was for everybody here to celebrate with them. So it was nice to spend the time there, particularly as Rob's Mum, my auntie Maureen, was Mum's bridesmaid. Rounded it all off nicely.
Next Friday, 11th July, we will finally be putting my grandad in his final resting place. He died in March 1999 and at the time Nan said she wanted to hang on to his ashes until her time was up, so they could be scattered together. Well my lovely Nan died in December, the day after her birthday. Roger couldn't get over for her funeral and as he's flying in next Thursday (for Paul and Shirley's silver wedding) we decided it would be a good time to do it. Grandad is currently up in our loft, Nan is in Broadstairs with Jill, but next Friday they'll finally be together again.